Ulica Helen Keller | Enver Krivac

Peto poglavlje
JACK TALKING

 

 

na dalekoj obali, miljama od kopna
stoji totem od ebanovine u crnome pijesku
Opel, Syd Barrett

 

 

ISTINA BR. 5

Sedmog srpnja, na dan kada je umro Syd Barrett, Tilda je prvi put razgovarala s Jackom Nicholsonom.

Iako se nikad nisu upoznali, pričali, vezali balone mački za rep i tako stvarali smijeh, Barrettova konačna smrt ju je pogodila. Suzdržavajući se od klišeja o ludom dijamantu, na Penzionerskoj terasi u Velikom Ezu držala je zdravicu svom osobnom kralju buke i seksa:

– Neka tvoje izmučeno, inzulinsko tijelo legne u otočni prah! Nek te bijela gmižuća djeca Majke Zemlje razvuku sad od Cambridgea do Svalbarda! Nek ti duša slobodno paraglajda oko svih Jupiterovih mjeseca koje si ikad opjevao! Evo, dižem čašu za tebe i još jednu za sve raznijete u Mumbaiju i još jednu za one iz nesretnog aviona u Irkutsku! Pjevaj im svima o zlatokosoj, o gnomu, o mačku Samu, o Dan Dareu, o slonu od sapunice, o domino pločicama, o čoporu vukova i kako si i najeden i napit i kako ti se čini da je sve san!

Jack Nicholson sjedio je četiri stola od njihovog, točno iza onog na kojem je svakodnevno odigravan najveći lokalni mirovinski kartaški turnament. Djevojački nekrološki tulum zvonio je po terasi i ometao ga u čitanju. Zaklopio je paperback izdanje biografije Walta Disneyja i podigao glavu. Tako ga je opazila Pomona. Smrznuto lice i smrznute zjenice i sve drugo što se moglo smrznuti na Pomoni, također se smrzlo i nije bilo nikakve razlike između nje i karbonitom svladanog Han Sola. Njena instantna katatonija privukla je pažnju prijateljica. Nekoliko okreta glavama i uskoro su se i one smrzle. Brada, obrve i salasta starost američkog glumca na hrvatskom ljetovanju sjedili su utabani u plastični jeftinjak od stolice: bijeli Ronhill među prstima, makijato i voda reflektirani u Ray-Ban RB 3119 Olympia naočalama, jednobojne kupaće s prosječnom muškom ljetnom kvrgom i tamnoplavi t-shirt s natpisom „Zadar“. Znajući Tildinu opsjednutost Jackom, znajući po posterima, dvd-ima i neprestanim krijumčarenjem citata iz filmova u svakodnevne konverzacije, Alica uzme Panasonicov diktafon, stisne tipku s crvenim kružićem, ugura ga u paré ljubavnice i, ne prestajući se smješkati, kaže:

– Znaš što ti je činiti.

Tilda krene prema Jackovom stolu i prije nego što je potpuno ostavila djevojke iza sebe, drekne:

– Yo, Mullholland Man! – kao da joj je kakav Behemoth, Phenex, Abraxas ili sam Sin Jutarnje Zvijezde nevidljivom rukom prešao preko jezika. Znoj je radio Gardaland od njene mlade kože. Iz Alice je sjajila radioaktivna radost i ništa na svijetu, u tom trenutku, nije bilo tako iskreno kao njen altruizam.

 

 

JACK TALKING

Razgovor koji slijedi Tilda je sama transkribirala s tonskog zapisa.

(Negovornike engleskog jezika kordijalno se upućuje na Dodatak petom poglavlju.)

 

JACK:
Now.. whaddaya shoutin’ for, girl? Isn’t it enough that you’ve recognized me?!

JA:
Aaawc’mon, Mr. Nicholson, I just had to! Maybe you’re aware, maybe you’re not, but seeing you here.. is going to be on the top of my list of life events, something I will tell my children about, if I ever have any!

JACK:
Ok, but shoutin’ like that?! Goddamit.. this is a.. god forsaken island! At least I thought it was!

JA:
Don’t tell me that no one here’s recognized you so far! As if that’s believeable!

JACK:

Damn right it’s believeable! I’ve been layin’ low here for three years now and not a living soul has came up to me with that fan bullshit!

JA:
You’re telling me… I’m the first?

JACK:
Well, now that you’ve mentioned it and I’m forced to think of it.. there’s been a mild case of celebrityspotting two years ago when a strange looking woman, ya’know, ears down to here (pokazuje na vrat) approached me on the beach sayin’ just how much she liked me in „Cobb“! Hey!

JA:
But… you were NEVER in „Cobb“! That was Tommy Lee Jones! It’s impossible to mix you two up!

JACK:
Yep. Tell that to her! (opet rukama imitira ženine nisko spuštene uši) ..and I think she meant „Hoffa“ but.. whatever.

JA:
Dear God, dear God, dear God.. Hoffa! I can’t believe I’m talking to Jack Nichol…

JACK:
Ok, stop it! Stop it, ya’hear? I’ll sign you a napkin or a bra or somethin’, just, just.. take your nose some place else!

JA:
No!

JACK:
No? Whaddaya mean no?

JA:
What part of no don’t you underst…

JACK:
Ok, ok, what is this? What is this? Are you suggestin’ a molestin’ situation here? Am I being bullied? Oh, fuck sake, the attitude!

JA:
No, no, no, you’re not! And maybe you’re not aware of it, but…

JACK:
What?

JA:
This is the most important moment in my so called life and I’m not letting it go, especially when we are here, on this, how you’ve so elegantly stated, god forsaken island, where.. rules of firm continent soil and other inhibitions do not apply!

JACK:
Please, do go on.

JA:
Maybe you don’t know but.. I’m being lied to all the time, constantly tortured by these supernatural creepy loads that are slowly but firmly turning my life into so much more than just a turmoil, and by people who are so much lesser than I am, and ok, I’m living in a house where nobody smiles and nobody cares and that house is rotting away in a street where life expectancy is negligible and the rain has an iron feel. Ok? An IRON feel. And if you don’t let me buy you a drink, I’ll make you a scene worth taking photographs!

JACK:
Hmmm… (najpoznatiji smiješak na svijetu širi mu se preko face) ..I like your style, little girl. The attitude… Let it be then! You’ve won me! I’ll buy YOU a drink! Kale! Kale! Ahmmm.. yes! C’mere, bring us two.. coffees?

JA:
No way, thanks, pivica za mene, ahm, beer, ok?

JACK:
Yes, beer times two and make it icy! So! Shoutin’ that useless nickname fuckery across half a village, heh, that was, should I say, a unique approach to meeting a famous guy like me.. and you strike me as an intelligent young woman. Are those your friends over there eyeballin’ and gigglin’?

JA:
Oh, yes! That on the left.. that’s Pomona. We call her Po. That would be Poe.

JACK:
Pomona.. just like that town in California?

JA:
Yes, just like it. Her old man was once there and he got cought by the appeal of the name or whatever. She’s my best friend since the Great George Orwell Primary School Massacre.

JACK:
Since what?

JA:
Aaand that beautiful glow beside her.. that’s Alica, y’know, similar like Alice or Alicia, only different. She’s „the one“, if you catch my drift?

JACK:
Oooh, a love interest…

JA:
Well, to say the least.

JACK:
Very nice… why don’t you invite them over here for a drink, they seem like nice people.

JA:
Weell… I guess they’re letting this one belong to me and to me alone… it’s just my thing… I can’t explain in words, it’s just something that I picked up from years and years of consternation and living in the doldrums and humdrums of the city by the sea.

JACK:
Doldrums and humdrums, eh? Hm. The girl of words. Ok. Whatever. Y’see, I don’t actually understand you, but… there’s something about you. I’ve never met a person who is so straightforward and likeably mysterious about her predicaments, but the way you talk about your girl.. it reminds me of…

JA:
Oh my God, here comes first hand Jack Nicholson true story!

JACK:
Weeeell, maybe not. I don’t want people to know what I’m actually like. It’s not good for an actor. So! You’re.. you’re.. ahmm… You love girls. Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…

JA:
Please, it’s ok. Really. No need for this. If I’d worry each time someone makes a rude suggestion or traps himself in an unintentional homo banter or doesn’t know how to articulate…

JACK:
Oh, ok. Ahm… It’s really beautiful here, isn’t it? I mean, it beats the hell out of Aspen, I can tell you. Or Mulholland, heh, for that matter!

JA:
Yes… and on the clear day you can see forever.

JACK:
Oh please, no referential jokes, please, you strike me as a much deeper person. Which just reminded me! Why did you shout that „Mulholland Man“ crap across the terrace for?

JA:
Sometimes it puts words in my mouth and actions in my limbs. Don’t ask who.

JACK:
Oh, I’m not… (nekoliko sekundi onoga što se obično naziva neugodnom tišinom) …but I’m willin’ to offer you a deal.

JA:
A deal?

JACK:
Good, so you can repeat words after people, very nice. The deal is.. you tell me something about yourself and I’ll slip you some inside info about the Hollywood subjects that you are.. obviously.. interested in or whatever. We can chit-chat about any flick or fuck I’ve ever done! Now, whaddaya say?

JA:
Flick or fuck! Well, regarding my obsession with you.. kako da ti to kažem.. I reacted to the name of Hoffa strongly only ’cause I believe that it is the most fascinating thing you’ve ever done with your acting beside a couple of other things like being Tad Pringle or Randle Patrick McMurphy or Jack Torrance or.. or Joker!

JACK:
Ah, Joker.. ya’see, I was particularly proud.. and I still am.. of my performance as The Joker. I considered it a piece of pop art! Got it?

JA:
Ha! So you are self-aware after all!

JACK:
Of course I’m.. I’m an artist.. and the only true artist is the one who is self-aware! The first time I was up for an Oscar.. I thought I would win it, but I didn’t have as sharp a view as I do now, ya’know…

JA:
And the second time?

JACK:
The second time… I expected to lose, and did to George C. Scott. Heh, I see you know that stuff.

JA:
I know my stuff.

JACK:
Yes, you do.. but, ya’see, even getting a nomination blows my mind. It still fuckin’ would! I’d love to win but now that I’ve had several good performances that people at large have liked, it becomes harder to excite them. And familiarity breeds contempt.

JA:
It does, I know.

JACK:
So, are you.. an artist?

JA:
Is this our deal starting to take place now?

JACK:
If you want it. Just remember… you came to my table and within one minute you’ve confessed your dykey truth to me without even blinkin’ so.. now I’m stuck here with.. with.. with this.. beautiful girl I could never persuade to meet my good pal Mister Midnight down below, if you know what I’m sayin’, so.. at least you could do is offer me a conversation and since I do recognize you as a clever individual conscious of the surrounding cesspool of a world, right? …I think it would be a thrillin’ passtime activity. SO! Tell me.. are you an artist or not?

JA:
Sometimes I write lyrics. Poems. It’s not much.

JACK:
Oh, a poet! The girl reckons herself a poet!

JA:
I know that! I recognize that! That’s from „The Wall“! Now you’re the one who’s quoting! HA!

JACK:
Oh, it was an easy one! Ya’see, that Pink Floyd t-shirt your girlfriend’s wearin’ over there… very nice one, I must add… is tellin’ a great deal about you.

NASTAVLJAM:
Yes, a poet, hmm.. kind of.. …and I’ve been writing a diary for some time now. I like to think it’s a mirror which allows me to see inside the heart of the world’s biggest problem.

JACK:
Which is?

JA:
Dear mister Nicholson… it’s me.

SKROZ ZBUNJEN:
You? Girl. You haven’t even told me your name. And it is obvious that you know mine, so… there’s no better time for the two of us to be properly introduced! Hi there, I’m Jack Joseph.

JA:
Oh, another rooster in the henhouse!

JACK:
I asked you before, no movie quoting, pleeeeease!

JA:
Sorry, bad habit.

JACK:
Ok, so.. you are…

JA:
The world’s biggest problem.

JACK:
Huh, that’s an indian name? Siouxie? Paspahegh? Powhatan? Navajo? Some Croatian sub breed? And what’s your father’s name, the World’s Weeniest Weener?

JA:
Very funny. Anyway, I’m not telling. Ma il mio mistero e chiuso in me, il nome mio nessun sapra.

JACK:
Nessun dorma, right? My name no one shall know… oh, c’mon!

JA:
Nothing good ever comes when I speak my name out loud. Some kind of pestering trouble always happens when I speak it. Or somebody else, that’s true as well. I don’t want these shores to go tumbling and vanishing into the sea or sea itself to go boiling over or I don’t know, some.. long forsaken volcano decides to wake up under our very feet or a gang of demented seagulls.. oh, you know what I’m implying.

JACK:
Miss Mysterious. Miss Trouble. Your face turned so serious and grey for couple of seconds there.

JA:
Did you wanted to say „stop the press, who is that!?“, ha?

JACK:
You are persistant little pecker, aren’t ya? Never thought I’d come here to this funny little horseshoe shaped paese and its.. hidden pearl.. sort of.. to find the world’s biggest problem who, single-handedly, knows Tim Burton’s „Batman“ by heart!

JA:
Oh, every single word of it.

JACK:
Scary! But interesting! You’re… somethin’ else.

JA:
It’s suffice to say I’m the world’s biggest problem and that’s enough.

JACK:

I guess it has to be. If nothing else, for now. Ya’want somethin’ to.. (prstima motira lopatanje hrane u usta) …maybe? Something? Hm?

JA:
What’s on the menu?

JACK:
Oh, let me propose a little somethin’. Kale? Kale? Over here! Yes..  No, no, not for now… just two ROYALS, please! Ok, thank you!

JA:
Royals? As in royal puddings?

JACK:
Oh, ya’know about it? Of course you do… you oughta. What have locals here done with that dessert.. it’s touch of a sheer…

JA:
Ya’know it was originally… an American dish?

JACK:
Oh, it still is, my friend, it still is.

JA:
Right.

Smijemo se. Dolazi Kale sa dva kraljevska. Jedemo. Ukusno je. Jako.

JA:
So, what are you up to now?

JACK:
You mean… business? Well, ah… not anything pronouncable at the time… just draggin’ my butt around, y’know, soaking my feet in the salty water… but I’ll start filming this flick with Morgan Freeman in the fall. Rob Reiner’s directing it.

JA:
Morgan Freem..whoa! Detective Sommerset! And you cannot not love him in the „Shawshank Redemption“!

JACK:
Cannot not!? Oh, girl, we would all love to be in that movie, I can tell you! Morgan is a.. pretty simple guy, ya’know.. and he was great as Jessica Tandy’s driver. But… I’ll have to know a little bit more about you if you want to talk about Hollywood stuff, remember?

JA:
Fair enough! Whaddaya wanna know?

JACK:
Nice drawl, almost close! Let’s see, aah.. what does your mother do? Voila!

JA:
Let me tell you ’bout my mother!

JACK:
Oh my God, it’s quoting time again, isn’t it? You’re sick. Stop, wait! That’s… that’s frommmm… God it sounds fuckin’ familiar… let me tell you ’bout my mother… I know it’s like science fiction or something like that… Dune? No, no, no… errr… errrr…

JA:
Blade Runner.

JACK:
NO! No, no, no! Why did you say it?! It would have sprung out!

JA:
Yes, I’m sure it would.

JACK:
Oh, is that a hint of poisonous sarcasm due to an uncomfortable mother question or am I just being naive?

JA:
Sorry. Well, let me tell you ’bout my mother, then. She’s a pill popper, non-stopper, all day snoozer, heavy boozer, sad piece of rotting furniture, always out of reach, living in a cloud cuckoo land and slowly sinking in irreversible downward direction. Ok? She was once an award winning chef at some Adriatic ultra hotel, and for some time she was cooking in some high establishment in Vienna as well, but.. she hasn’t been in the kitchen for other reasons than pouring herself a drink for years now. My late grandmother… who is still… well, alive… told me once she was a jolly girl with a broad smile that would shine so bright in the seventies it would distract the birds in their flight and…

JACK:
Stop the press! Your LATE granny who is STILL ALIVE?! What.. is that some kind of a wordplay I’m failin’ to follow or aah.. WHAT?

JA:
You said „stop the press“, ya’know that, don’t you? What? Feeling playful? Are you up for a little quote game?

JACK:
Ok, a bit. Pleeeaaase, do go on.

JA:
Concerning my granny… that’s a… different story… and, may I add, quite QUITE different, so… let’s lay off of it, for now. K?

JACK:
I’m enjoyin’ this!

JA:
Anyway, she was a fine young thing. Now.. I’m sorry to say she’s a vegetable, non simpathico, a fume and a shadow.

JACK:
A fume and a shadow! Harsh! Why did she become that way?

JA:
Dunno. I mean… no one knows. I suspect it is because father is gone all the time.

JACK:
Father’s gone, ha? Hmm… she might be awful ’cause she’s sad.

JA:
Yes. Or there’s a certain amount of guilt over something… something that has to do with him, I don’t know.

JACK:
And where is he?

JA:
He left us. Many years ago. I’m ashamed now.

JACK:
Let me guess… you’re not in touch with him?

JA:
No, no, I am.. we.. ahm.. we sometimes have a cup of coffee together. Irish cream. Once or twice a year. It’s often so awkward sitting there with him, but.. I need that. I miss him like crazy. Heh, sounds like a sleazy love song, but I do. I feel like he’s the one who could restore the peace again. He’s the one who could destroy the stone within me, like in that Murakami’s story, ya’know? Ya’don’t? Nevermind. Seeing him from time to time.. it’s like a mixture of hope, self-deception and horror.

JACK:
Oh, man.

JA:
I’m sorry, but you’ve asked me.

JACK:
So, that’s how it is, ha?

JA:
Yes, but I manage. I try to love. And I love. Love’s the greatest thing that we have, is that not so? Hm. Like the song said? You can’t let things do you in. Or you can? I got to do other things because the steam builds up so intensively I might explode and… after all, everybody’s gotta side specialty.

JACK:
Yes, like Krunoslav Kićo Slabinac had his rock’n’roll fling.

JA:
I always thought that was a deliberate distraction from his eye!

JACK:
True! His eye was keen on wandering! Maybe that’s what Sauron had to do, ya’know, start recording rock’n’roll covers to distract elves and hobbitses from his eye, just like Kićo did! He! Oh, but… Love is the greatest thing. After sex. It sounds like you’re living in a pretty depressive house.

JA:
Can you see the connection between us, Jack?

JACK:
I guess you’re aiming at the story ’bout my dad. That’s the Jack story that everybody knows. A connection.. yeah. We are both raised by women. Except for the fact that I grew up in a beauty parlor, had a very strong polish railroad brakeman for a sort of a… ya’know, kind of a father figure, in a way… an honest guy who had acknowledged when I was 8 or 10 or in there, that I might very well be a lot smarter than he was! Figure that! So I… didn’t have a repressive, competitive father. One of the things I’ve been lucky about… in life… is that I’m not a subject of emotional blackmail… which is normally one of the big spins you get from your family.

JA:
Oh, you’ve nailed it with this one!

JACK:
It’s all relative in the end. My motto is – more good times!

Nazdravljamo.

JA:
I can’t stop wondering… what it would be like if my old man had not been gone. Would we be a… so called… normal family? Would I be more normal? And what would be my fate?

JACK:
Hey, what is normal, girl? What is normal? And, please.. what is fate? If you believe in fate, it means you’re lazy. Isn’t that how the story goes?

JA:
Sometimes there’s no other way of explaining things that occur around me than by fate. I certainly try to do things the right way.. I try to play along and it’s not easy dealing with people. Sometimes I feel like a lion forced to be a mouse.

JACK:
Mark my words, lassie… it’s better to be a lion treated as a mouse than a mouse treated as a lion. It always comes flat in the end. If my geriatric wisdom can do you any help, go and take it from my own experience. It’s not easy to be self-confident. For example, there’s a period just before I start a movie and I start thinking.. I don’t know what in the world I’m going to do! Ya’know? I’m lost! How am I going to do it? It’s a free-floating anxiety. And that is applicable to anything you do in life.

JA:
Yes, but I somehow think.. in your case, though, that free float is over by lunch the first day of shooting, right?

JACK:
Hahaha… I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

JA:
Oh, Mr. Nicholson, that’s just too lame!

JACK:
Girl, it was never ment to be a part of this… quote frenzy! I really meant that!

Opet ne govorimo ništa jedno pola minute. Gledam Alicu i Po, zapričale su se i mašu rukama, pa se smiju. Tako sam jako sretna što mi se sve ovo događa da se osjećam glupo. Onda sa malog zvučnika koji visi na cedru spiker Radio Zadra ponovi vijest o smrti Syda Barretta i pusti „Dark Globe“.

JACK:
Sad, right? This fucker died two times… once at the end of 60’s and… now again. Sad. Syd. Sad.

JA:
Ever got to know him maybe?

JACK:
No. I met the drummer once, though. Too English.

JA:
Oh. It is sad… sad about Syd. Oddly sad. Listen, Jack… How about your part of our little deal? See… I’ve always imagined this scene… when Lara Flynn Boyle, like, dumped you and you resorted to Marlon Brando’s house and I’ve always had this picture in my mind, you ringing his bell and then the old Brando opens up in his pyjamas or in some ordinary t-shirt and he lets you in and…

JACK:
Just don’t ask me how Lara was. That’s just too sparse.

JA:
Was she really a boil?

JACK:
Fuck! Will you marry me, girl? You’re just too funny!

JA:
HA! No way! I’m not fond of a cock, man! Heh. I mean, I once was… I loved the cock, I needed the cock and if I ever become fond of a cock AGAIN and ’cause of you, heh, you’d need so much viagra with me… it would empty your whole Batman earnings stash in a month or so!

JACK:
Oh, for a world’s biggest problem you’re just too… ooh… and you must know I only take viagra when I am with more than one woman, so, your girlfriends over there would have to join us, but… don’t worry… I’m not a raver anymore. All good things must come to an end. Oh, c’mon, I’m throwing pearls here!

JA:
Yeah, yeah, pearls, so was she a boil or not?

JACK:
She turned out to be one, in the end. Let’s not turn this conversation in „who was Jack with“, ok? I’ve told you before… you struck me as an intelligent lass.

JA:
Oh, no, I don’t care about her! I mean… I liked her in „The Practice“ for some short time and she will always be Donna Hayward to me, but this is about that moment when… Marlon… opens… the door… for you… and you… come in! Remember? Ya’know, one titan opens the door to another one. How was that like?

JACK:
Go easy on the titan thing. Well, I’m sorry to say I must dissapoint you. Ya’see, he wasn’t at home at all. His staff let me in. Marlon was in Europe at the time.. so.. this.. ahh.. door opening never happened. And I only stayed there couple of hours, cuz, ya’see, I do have my own home. Matter of fact, couple of them.

JA:
Weird. I don’t feel any dissapointment. I always had a feeling I constructed that image in my mind, but.. I must tell you, and you’ll tell me if it’s too difficult for you to talk about it.. recently I saw „A Streetcar Named Desire“ again and „Mutiny On Bounty“ very shortly after. Man, he was…

JACK:
It’s ok. I actually feel really good when Marlon comes up in a conversation. He was so much more than a friend. I mean it when I say that if someone can’t appreciate Brando, I wouldn’t know how to talk to that someone. If there’s anything obvious in life, this is it. Ya’see, other actors don’t go around discussin’ who the best actor in the world is, ’cause it’s obvious that he is. He’ll always be.

JA:
A weird mix of sorrow and glee just kicked in.

JACK:
That’s life… a weird mix. Right. I got hit again by Marlon’s death when I was at Chris Penn’s funeral earlier this year. That was a weird mix! I remember this one time… we were both after the same role… Marlon and me… it was back in 1977 and there was never a single second of rivalry between the two of us. Yea, I see you’re gonna ask me what it was… it was for the role in „Equus“, ya’know, by Peter Shaffer? Yea, of course ya’know. Then the part went to Richard Burton instead. Fucketty fuck! But it’s ok. It wouldn’t suit me to be jelaous.

JA:
God… you and… Marlon and… Richard Burton… I still can’t believe all this!

JACK:
Oh, it just is what it is. So, what, when, why, what, how long are you staying here?

JA:
Not too long. We came here to avoid the world soccer championship.

JACK:
Yak! The most overrated children’s game in the world! C’mon, comparing it to, let’s say, basketball… it’s a spit in a spittoon!

JA:
When the terror of the ball ends we’ll be heading back. To the bleeding void.

JACK:
Oh, bleeding void!? Now, that was bitter! Hey, there’s no need to feel all that! I’m sure life offers good and sweet things to you as well. Now… how about… that pretty little girl… sitting over there? Hm? She’s not part of that… bleeding void, is she now?

JA:
Jack, listen… it’s the ONLY sweet thing. One tea spoon of brown sugar in a royal pool of yellow bile.

JACK:
Sometimes a spoon o’ sugar can sweeten the…

JA:
You’re not listenin. Sorry, that was rude, I know, but… you just don’t know how it is. Ya’see, ordinary people wake up, go down the stairs, have breakfast…

JACK:
…kiss someone goodbye, go to work… I’m smarter than that! What are you trying to tell me? That you’re Batman? Girl, you’re busted!

JA:
Ok, I am busted! Heh. But here’s my point! All those… ordinary people… have their problems too. Miserable paychecks, mind games, a misfit child, cold relationships, the issue of settling, maybe.. the issue of settling for less or… civil rights, maybe… diseases, cancer, god-forbid… friends betraying or passing away, love, hate, envy, food, cars, vacations, conflicts, joy, spiritual questions, meaning of life, surviving, all sorts of things, right? It’s mostly money, but when it’s not… it’s feelings. Right? I mean, there’s also happiness and there are all sorts of nice and good things in life, but… everything and everyone’s in the pot.

JACK:
Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff.

JA:
That’s… that’s… oh, shit!

JACK:
Paul Giamatti as Harvey Pekar in „American Splendor“. That’s one of my favourite quotes ’cause it rings so true.

JA:
Bravo. I got kinda blocked.

JACK:
Now I got you back for that Blade Runner thing. What that stands for… is a beautiful and simple truth of how to comprehend life, how to… fathom it! Life is a ride and it’s a ride for everyone… and you must learn to take both punches and felatios.

JA:
Ooooh, that’s deep.

JACK:
Shut up.

JA:
In the place where I live… all this is taken on a higher level of complication. I got a druggy mum, an absent dad, a wicked sis, very wicked, an innocent bro and a dead granny… who is, well, ya’know… and that Cinderella groove in the house and… that’s life… for me. On the other hand… I got my girl and… I got my friends and my occupations and expressions and all the good things, and that’s life too. But, but… oh… my street… our street… that’s a radiant black hole that oozes malice. There are forces at work there that gobble people up.

JACK:
Black holes don’t ooze. They are always in a feeding frenzy.

JA:
Yes, they do. First they feed and what they can’t swallow… they spit out!

JACK:
True, but… gobble up? I mean, like… the street eats people? What?

JA:
Yes it does. People just dissapear. There’s this creature called borip that lives there… or they just go to sleep and vanish in the air overnight. Literally. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s like that… and that’s the way it is! And apart from dissapearings… there’s a feel of constant downer, like you’re in a cardboard box enforced by superstrong duct tape and there’s not a Kal-El in the world that can rip it apart.

JACK:
Are you… being… like… narative… or poetic… or are’ya just pulling both of my legs?

JA:
No, no, no, no! It’s real! These thoughts are not subjective! Ya’feel that… physically! I’m telling you, maaan… it’s real! I suspect huge and vicious crossings of underground waters or that the devil is real and is not living in Helsinki, like Tricky once said in a song, but in a luxury flat… just below mine.

JACK:
Get outta here! Are you.. sane!? No kiddin’, lassie, are you SANE sane?

JA:
Ya’see? This is how people usually react when I try to tell them… and who can blame them, Jack? Who can blame them? I’m aware how all this sounds… like I’m tripping or I’m just super-spoiled and too lazy to take control of my own life, but… ya’know what happens to people back home who try to do that? Ha? Back home? Ya’know? Ya’don’t! They loose seventy percent of their bodyweight in three hours.

JACK:
You’re fucking scarin’ me!

JA:
I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I mean, I didn’t, but… Listen to this… I said earlier that Po, over there, Pomona… is my best friend since the Great George Orwell Primary School Massacre and it puzzled you, right? Listen to the story! There was a big, like, really huge aquatic park in my street, it was.. like.. twenty years ago. Or more. The aquatic park was respected.. visited.. kids and people from all over Yugoslavia came to check out the underwater life and get acquainted with the species. It was, ya’know.. when you’re in primary school you get to visit all the World War Two places and… chocolate factory in Zagreb and… all those capitals of former republics and of course… the.. Aquatic… Centre… Rijeka! Ya’know? Or whatever it was called. Oh, yes, totally high profile and pro. But… ya’know what happened that led to its, not only closure, but deconstruction to the last bit?

JACK:
Some sort of massacre, I presume from the name of it. Terrorism?

JA:
One of the most popular dolphins that lived there, Kalbo, the star of the dolphin show.. just went completely berserk one day, jumped across the fence, he fucking flew over, man, and crawled up to George Orwell Elementary School during the.. how do you say it.. big break? Ya’know, the fifteen minute lunch break in school? And Kalbo The Dolphin.. killed.. nearly two entire classes. Fiftythree kids killed and burried and twenty more bitten and then cured for several months from weird gangrenous infections.

JACK:
Are you fuckin’ with me?

JA:
I knew you’d like that.

JACK:
It’s no joke, baby! Stop bustin’ my balls! You’re fucking with me, right?

JA:
No, I’m not. I’m not fucking with you! That event.. went down in history as The Great George Orwell Elementary School Massacre. Do you get it now?

JACK:
Listen to me, girl and listen to me carefully. Put your things in a suitcase and… GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE!!! You can have control over your life! Just get out of there, get go, get away! There’s nothing keeping you there, I mean… people have done bigger, stranger and more courageous things throughout the history! Pack it and split! Get a hold of your future! Fuck all that!

JA:
Ok, ok… cool it vixen. Nice of you to get so irrate… that’s… sweet.

JACK:
Oh, everything is sweet to you girls! If I’d taken out a rabbit out of my bunghole and presented it to you as a gift you wouldn’t scream… animal abuse or… rectal torture! Septic fur! No! You’d say… how SWEET! Please, I told you… I’m being serious! Pack your little books, lip gloss and clothes and fucking elope! I’ll find you the best job anywhere in the States or anywhere in the WORLD! I’ll help ya, goddamit! Ha? What about that? The great god of cinema and sexuality, your ultimate superhero, the big Jack Nicholson is willing to help you!

JA:
He he he… that was funny… the great god of cinema and sexuality… and also the most flattering thing I ever heard. Thank you, man, but…

JACK:
What?

JA:
There’s a catch. No one can leave our street.

JACK:
Bullshit! Bull… shit!! Now you’re not only fuckin’ with me but you’re tryin’ to insult me as well! My age or what not? You think I’m… stupid or somethin’? You think I live in a… Hollywood celebrity bubble? What, it’s just… coke talkin’, right?

JA:
My god, why?!

JACK:
How.. on earth.. did you get here on this island? Ha? You are SO busted now!

JA:
Oh… it’s simple. You CAN leave… for a short period of time… or even for a longer one, but… the street catches you no matter where you hide. People go to work or to school in other parts of the town, some travel, as my friends and I, some even go across the globe, but if the street senses you’re not planning on returning.. punishment comes in various forms. Listen to this. Once lived a man named Mr. Vinsky. Ok? He was a local barber, and ahmm… weeell… let’s just say his set of scissors were kinda alive. I don’t want to get deeper in that right now. He thought he had it made. He took his wife and his daughter, pretty little redhead from my point of view, and went to, so called.. vacation to Greece. His plan was to pretend to be on vacation for the rest of his life. He thought he could trick the street and.. he almost succeeded. They all got too relaxed in their fifth or sixth year of exile and… ya’know…

JACK:
What happened?

JA:
Their own beds suffocated them while they were sleeping.

JACK:
Ok.

JA:
Ok, what?

JACK:
Ok as in… ok, I believe you but I don’t want to so I’m in big conflict now. Fuck me sideways!

Duža pauza. Na snimci se čuju samo galebovi, more, udaljeni smijeh njih dvije, zvuci penzionerskog kartanja za drugim stolom i komemorativni Radio Zadar na visećem zvučniku.

JACK:
If you ever feel like pretending your whole life away… give me a call. I’ll fix you a permanent vacation anywhere you like.

JA:
Thank you, Mr. Nicholson. I sense that is from the heart.

JACK:
Sure it is. To be aware of the problem is the first step… you surely know. You do strike me as an aware person. If you ever wish to break the ground… search me out, I’ll help you. Here. That’s the phone number… you can always reach me by this one, ok? Now… what am I gonna do with you? Girl, girl, girl… you gotta be a pioneer.

JA:
It’s hard to be a pioneer.

JACK:
You’ve seen „About Schmidt“?

JA:
Three times.

JACK:
Quote away! That’s an order!

JA:
The cowards never started… the weak died on their way… only the strong arrived… they were the pioneers.

JACK:
Wow, that was.. accurate. I guess. Heh. You really know your stuff.

JA:
Yep. I even pressed pause and zoomed it in on the dvd for that one, I liked it that much, ya’know? I saw that movie only cause you were in it. Oh, c’mon, those „Dear N’dugu“ letters… strong stuff!

JACK:
Thank you. It’s all about the good script. I am flattered by fans, ya’must know that. But… but… you… you really…

JA:
Yes. I really know my stuff.

To je bilo zadnje što su taj dan govorili. Jack je otišao na večeru u svoju ešku kuću, a Tilda se vratila svojim sirenama. U slijedećih nekoliko dana razgovori im se više nisu micali od filmske industrije. Do kraja ferija pobijedila ga je u citiranju filmova. Ljeto kad je upoznao Matildu Sarapin ostalo mu je u sjećanju kao najljepša izmaglica ikad odsanjana na javi. Kao i ono ljeto kad je snimao „Easy Ridera“, priznao joj je. A svi znaju kakvo je to bilo ljeto.

 

 

Dodatak petom poglavlju
ŽIVOTNA PRIPOMOĆ ZA NEGOVORNIKE ENGLESKOG JEZIKA: ŠTO SMO VAŽNO SAZNALI U TILDINOM RAZGOVORU S JACKOM?

Jack posjeduje kuću na Ezu i tamo redovito ljetuje. Na otoku ga nitko ne prepoznaje, osim jedne žene koja misli da je Tommy Lee Jones.

U Ulici Helen Keller kiša ima željezni okus.

Rudolf Pimliko je svoju kćer nazvao Pomona nakon što se oduševio istoimenim gradićem u Kaliforniji.

Tildi, ponekad, neimenovan netko stavlja riječi u usta i pokrete u udove.

Jedini pravi umjetnik je onaj koji je samosvjestan.

Tilda piše dnevnik i poeziju.

Tilda zna napamet film „Batman“ iz 1989.

Morgan Freeman je prilično jednostavan momak.

Ana Sarapin je nekad bila cijenjena i nagrađivana kuharica u neimenovanom jadranskom luksuznom hotelu, te u vrhunskom restoranu u Beču. Ta ista žena je sedamdesetih bila vedra djevojka širokog osmjeha koji je sjajio toliko jarko da je ometao ptice u letu.

Zlatko Sarapin napustio je svoju obitelj. Tilda i on se jednom ili dvaput godišnje nađu na kavi. Za nju je to mješavina nade, samozavaravanja i užasa.

Ljubav je najveća stvar koju imamo.

Jack je dobro upoznat sa detaljima karijere Krunoslava Kiće Slabinca.

I Jacka i Tildu su odgojile i podigle žene.

Emocionalna ucjena je uobičajena pojava unutar obitelji.

Bolje biti lav tretiran kao miš nego miš tretiran kao lav.

Marlon Brando je najveći glumac svih vremena.

U Ulici Helen Keller ljudi nestaju preko noći, a oni koji pokušaju preuzeti kontrolu nad svojim životom izgube sedamdeset posto težine u samo tri sata.

Akvatički Centar Rijeka, velik i poštovan zabavno-edukacijski park, pred mnogo godina je zatvoren i rastavljen do posljednjeg komadića zbog incidenta zabilježenog kao Veliki masakr. Zvijezda predstave, dupin Kalbo, preskočio je ogradu, dopuzao do Osnovne škole „George Orwell“ za vrijeme velikog odmora i pobio skoro dva razreda.

Nitko ne može zauvijek napustiti ulicu. Ona tolerira samo kraće izlete. (Gospodin Vinsky, lokalni brico, mislio je da ju može prevariti. Preselio je obitelj u Grčku gdje su do kraja života planirali hiniti godišnji odmor, no u petoj ili šestoj godini su se previše opustili pa su ih kreveti ugušili na spavanju.)

Treba biti pionir.